Tuesday 27 September 2016

Persistent consistent doubts, resilience and Pecha Kucha

Investigations into things that I am still not sure about.

Given all of the above, what is it that drives me forwards? 

 It's an inexplicable desire to discover something that is visually just out of reach, tantalisingly close, yet, so far away. I can feel it beckoning to me in the act of making, a joyous uplifting elation in the way that the image magically develops, only to be disillusioned on re-entering the studio. The search brings with it a whole host of rewards, witnessing relationships in colour, translucency and form, but it still throws up more questions than answers. Naturally this creates a need to pursue and explore further and at the same time creates new bouts of uncertainty. 

But hey, if it was good enough for Monet : "Colour is my day-long obsession, joy and torment." 

Obsession is a key driver. Many times I have been bewildered by what I see around me, not able to understand. I think this has possibly become more so as time marches on. I still believe passionately in this:



That making art is about asking questions, that the journey itself is of greater importance, what you discover along the way will enrich you and that the final image is the by-product of an act of investigation. Sometimes the journey is tough, throwing up many obstacles in its path (inadequacies in material handling is usually there at the fore leading to inevitable doubt, highlighting how little you know). and sometimes, the journey is smoother, things just appear to fall into place. Arghhh! At present I am working on an image that is 100% the former type of journey and it really is teasing me into dead ends, forcing me to constantly reevaluate what is happening and makes for a tumultuous rollercoaster ride into the unknown. I get totally immersed in the act of making, watching reactions between wet translucent paint, sometimes I wish someone could witness this aspect of creation and have started to play with the idea of filming the process. Unfortunately the inanimate nature of the camera cannot reveal the innate responses that occur.

Doubts still pervade my thoughts, the merit of the work and fear of failure. How do you measure these? What do you use as a benchmark? It's all very well and good making the work, but, what for? What purpose does it serve? What relevance does it have to anything? The fact that it exists is irrelevant, herein lies the dilemma, how do you measure? Here I turn to Len McComb one of my old tutors, he says:

If one person smiles when they see my work it is enough, my life has had a meaning and a shape.

I love this quote because it transcends everything to do with the usual measurements, money and fame, instead it is about human connection; someone else receives something intangible from your work and it affects their psyche, a pure bond not governed by anything other than the human spirit, in the scheme of things that has got to count.

I was part of a Pecha Kucha presentation at the end of August. The theme of my talk was about how Kirk Douglas was responsible for my downfall, pipe & slippers and a bit of 
T.S  Eliot. It was a challenge trying to fit it all into 6.5 mins and to be coherent! 7 others including Felicity Bristow  Linda Lovatt  Firebrand  Andrew MacKenzie rose to the challenge. I think it's a great concept, hopefully its popularity in the Borders will grow and CABN will continue to host a great mix of presenters.

I recently showed work at the Tweeddale Gallery in Peebles, it is always interesting to see the work in another environment, it forces you to see it afresh. Comments also make you rethink about the direction the work is taking, negative or positive.




At the moment all work is water based, using dry pigment, acrylic and household emulsion. This was not a deliberate decision, rather a natural gravitation towards media that I had previously underestimated. It has been and still is a great learning curve. The colour palette is still moving between monochromatic and fuller colour, this again is not deliberate but is very much based on state of mind. 

Tout Seul


Truth Passage


The Big Reveal


Brink


Flora 1

Abstention  Nō 4


Out of the Blue                                                 105cm x 105cm


Internal Edit - Random Act                                110cm x 110cm


 



Using Go Pro time-lapse to document image's progress

Hand of Fate                                 100cm x 100cm

Mallorca Nō 2

Remorse

Mallorca Nō 1                                                             5ft 8in x 5ft 8in

In Search of Silence                                                 110cm x 110cm

Truth Teller                                                          110cm x 110cm
And in thinking about Nothing, I think about Everything                                           175cm x 100cm

Hope Springs Nō 1



Hope Springs Nō 2


Dead Bed (below) contains multiple conversations, edits, rotations and plenty of doubt. It is reflective of where I find myself, constantly reexamining my state of mind and how I am currently viewing the world around me. Purpose, direction, confusion it's all there in the mix, trying to understand all of it is a mind fuck. The news is full of stuff that makes no sense, killing is to the fore, greed is to the fore, power and control and the saddest fact of all is that people buy into it. No wonder my head hurts!


Dead Bed








I am continuing to work on the same etching plate, attempting to push the boundaries of serendipity by trying to take as little responsibility for the image as possible. ???
I enjoy the not knowing, it is not until you pull the etching blankets back that the image makes itself known. I also like ambiguity of: "Are they really prints?"  

I just want more time!